Tone it down

Tone policing, to put it simply, is THOUGHT policicing – basically saying “what you say/how you say it is making ME uncomfortable, so YOU need to stop so I can be comfortable again”. Um, no.

love explosions

By Beth Ryan

Tone Policing.  Please stop doing that.

What is tone policing?
I’ve created some examples based on what I see people saying.  Often.  Too often.  Tone policing doesn’t just apply to Autism Speaks discussions.  But that’s what’s on my mind lately.

Example 1:
Person A:  Autism Speaks is a horrible organization which promotes the hatred of Autistic people.  Giving your money to them is funding a hate organization.  I am Autistic and you’re financing hatred of me.
Person B: I agree with you but people are just going to dismiss you as cranky and angry if you take that approach.  You need to gently educate people if you want them to listen to you.

Example 2:
Person A:  You shouldn’t support Autism Speaks because only 4% of its budget is used to provide direct services to Autistic people.  Autistic people are excluded from meaningfully participating in the organization…

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What should we be telling teens with ASD about social skills?

What should we be telling teens with ASD about social skills?

I was directed to this post through Invisible Strings’ blog. There are no answers, only questions based on a not-to-far-fetched social situation. Social rules when you are in middle/high school are a minefield. How do you explain something that make no rational sense to a logical mind – especially when you don’t really get it yourself?

sign language

Need I say more?

(autism) comics by suburp


One of our dogs is deaf. (hearing impaired, if you want – I believe he doesn’t care). He is a shelter dog and actually the one that “listens” best. Because of his lack of hearing, he is very attentive and receptive to hand signs and facial expressions. It’s not actually causing any problems. We do not need to use words.
My son, on the other hand, is sometimes blind to the subtleties of emotions expressed in faces, or doesn’t pick up on the tone of the voice, the words chosen by the person…
He needs more words.

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I don’t know what HE doesn’t know because I only know what I know – and I don’t know how I know it.

As the NT mom of an autistic first grader, I am SO glad I found autistic bloggers.


Why? Because when you’re NOT autistic, you don’t realize how much of our social realities are intuited. When you’re NOT autistic, you don’t really think about how much social behavior is lightly taught, and then absorbed when you’re young – until you have a kiddo that DOESN’T “absorb” it – that has to LEARN it.

Ho. Lee. Crap.

REALLY??? As if parenting wasn’t complicated enough! Continue reading

Words can mean everything

I LOVE to read. A LOT. I don’t mean I read once in a while, I mean I read during much of my free time – while I eat, at the doctor’s office, at the play place when my son is playing. If I can grab time to read, I do. I love fiction – Nora Roberts, Mercedes Lackey, Patricia Briggs are a few of my favorite authors. They create WORLDS with their words! When I read, I SEE the worlds they create – it’s almost like watching a movie. Continue reading

Connecting with Community

When I first received my son’s diagnosis, I wasn’t aware of a lot of support. The school district was very helpful, thank goodness. And his symptoms are not very apparent at home. I didn’t think I needed the community. But once we hit school age, that changed. I felt a bit adrift. What do I need to do for him? What kind of supports are out there? Has anyone else dealt with this before? What if I miss something? Continue reading